e-book Getting Sent: A Relational Approach to Support Raising

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More in Bullying. Take a closer look at your own behavior. Children learn how to interact socially from their parents. If you gossip about other parents, purposefully exclude relatives from social gatherings and dominate others on committees, then you should not be surprised when your daughter does the same thing. Even your social media use can influence your daughter. Instead, show her what it means to be kind and loving. Let her see you being kind to the grocery cashier, helping an elderly neighbor or taking food to a sick friend.

Enhance her emotional intelligence. Sometimes it is difficult for tweens and teens to see how their behaviors impact those around them. One way to stop relational aggression is to emphasize that these types of actions are causing someone else a lot of pain. Help your daughter develop empathy for what victims of bullying may be experiencing. Foster healthy self-esteem. Some girls bully others because they struggle with self-esteem. But if you foster healthy self-esteem, not only will your daughter be more confident, but she also will not feel threatened by others. She also will be able to celebrate their successes instead of being overcome by envy.

Encourage healthy friendships. One way to keep your daughter from engaging in relational bullying is to ensure she is building solid friendships with others. Talk to her about what constitutes healthy friendship. Teach her how to identify toxic friends , fake friends and mean girls. Also, stress that it is important that she be herself.

A real friend will like her for who she is and will not pressure her to be different.

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If she is being pressured to fix it, then she may be part of a clique. Cliques are hot spots for relational aggression. Avoid pushing her toward cliques. Parents sometimes fall into the trap of trying to get their kids paired with the "right" kids. They force their way into the "right" classrooms, the "right" sports teams and the "right" peer groups.

Instead, try to have a more hands-off approach in this area. Allow your kids some freedom in choosing friends and activities that interest them. If you do push for the "right" friendships, your daughter will be inclined to worry too much about popularity and may end up doing almost anything to be in the "right" crowd. Discuss the dangers of gossip, backstabbing, and rumor-spreading. Girls often do not think about the negative consequences of their actions.

As a result, they may engage in relational aggression without even thinking about how this behavior could impact them long term. Talk to your daughter about how important it is to be a good friend. Stress that she concentrate on being truthful and kind in all her communications and to always think before she speaks. Spreading rumors or engaging in gossip hurts other people. Make sure she also thinks twice before clicking send on a text message, e-mail or social media post.

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Once something is said or done that is hurtful, it is very hard to make it right after the fact. Expose her to diversity.


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Counselors can help rejected parents to not personalize it when a teenager has a soccer game and prefers to forego parent-child time. Or when working with a favored parent who claims the child does not enjoy time with the target parent, counselors can point out that some adolescents do not enjoy their homework, but they are expected to do it anyway.

Custody reversal may be necessary in some cases, but it is not the role of the counselor to make that determination. Monika Logan is a licensed professional counselor living in Dallas who specializes in troubled parent-child relationships and sexual behavior problems.

In addition to maintaining a private practice and doing court-connected work, she recently developed a program to help youth in the criminal justice system maintain boundaries both offline and online and stay connected with their families. Contact her at mlogan texaspcs.

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Thank you so very much for your article regards parental alienation. My ex-spouse retained my 16 year old daughter after court ordered prescribed contact in another country. Myself and her siblings have not seen or heart from her for 60 days now. It is heart breaking. This had a lot of important issues that a lot if families deal with. This will definitely come in use to me over the next few months.

I have posted several time but I doubt that I got to the core of what has happen in my life. Yes the father of my children was and still is an alcoholic at this time he is not working a AA program actually he was asked to leave the program because all the news he learnt was told to the whole town. At this point it is 24 years since I left him and he has not let go at all. I am going to send now and go to the gym best therapy there is have a good day.

When dealing with a controller, Narcissistic type, things are a lot more difficult as they feel they or the child do not need help , therapy or guidance. Repairing a parent child relationship can be a difficult process, no matter what the issues involved are. Thank you for sharing the tips. I wish that some form of evaluation even nearly this thoughtful would take place here, in the local halls of justice. There is no desire to uncover the truth in CA courts at least. In my case there was always something postponing the hearing, until one day it was vacated.


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Due process, fair hearings for contesting motions or even accusations are not always held. Let alone any sort of thorough inquires regarding evidence let alone the state of people emotionally. These ideas only help if people get a fair day in court. Fair hearings, by the standards of The Constitution designed to uncover truth would put an end to a lot of this alienating garbage. God also wants you to remember that you have the innate power of a capable parent who can and will take the best care of this situation for yourself, your child, and for your relationship together.

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It is your responsibility, a precious one which you created and gave to yourself, and what a wonderful privilege! I have a question about a severed parent child relationship and how I should handle it because I have emotion so pro lens with it. My stepson, who calls me mommy, who I have been a part in raising since 2 years old , and been full time mom to since the age of 5.


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We had a very difficult time with his biological mother who was and is highly addicted to heroine and emotionally mentally physically and sexually abused him as well as medically neglected him when he was in her care. So much so that at the age of 4 , when she up and left to mo e out of state he refused to talk to her for months.

We tried to be supportive and encouraged him to forgive. He did. Then she returned and the abuse began. She was so bad to him that he begged not to go back. It took years but the courts finally saw something and have my husband primary custody. She still had every weekend and some evenings.